i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
