Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
