she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
