she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
