Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
