sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
