I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
