I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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