Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
