The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
