My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
