Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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