My hand turned me down
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
