I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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