is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
