There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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