bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
