just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
