All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
