Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
