I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
