Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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