you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
