It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
