I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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