Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
