I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
