My liver just broke up with me...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
