I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
