my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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