And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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