no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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