dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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