Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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