I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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