Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You can't special order awesome
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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