Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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