You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
