Please, let me fuck your mom
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
