how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
