Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
