In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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