Can Purell be used as lube?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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