It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
