Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize