So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
