it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found puke in my bra..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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