is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize