Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
