k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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