im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
