I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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