first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
