I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
