im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
