she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
