Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
