Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
