She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
false alarm, still single
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
