So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
