I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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