Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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