Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
