I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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