Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
