I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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