hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
