Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
