Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I touched a dick in church today
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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