In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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