you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
