I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize