Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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