How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
my liver is dry heaving
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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