Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
