dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
