You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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