Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
