My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
