Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
