You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
