some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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