Screwed.edu
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Pooping to opera.
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