My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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