oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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