I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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