Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize