Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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