Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm just crazy horny about you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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