walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize