there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dignity is for republicans.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
