I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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