So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
