somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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