I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
