Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
