All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The beer is more important than you right now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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