when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
