Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
