youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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