6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
