the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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