I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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