grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
