Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
